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BENEATH THE SURFACE
Our mental operating
software is being formed from the moment we are born. Therefore, what is downloaded into our minds form the building blocks
of not just behavior, but character.
Most of the time, we move through life without conscious awareness of our thought
life.
Its sobering to realize our thoughts reveal our belief systems about ourselves, men, women, God and every other
aspect of life.
What do your thoughts reveal about you? Take a few minutes to jot down a thought inventory.
Ask
yourself:
1. What are my compulsive and/or self-defeating patterns of thought?
Maybe you struggle with intrusive
thoughts, such as shame about past mistakes, worry over the future, or just preoccupying compulsions in the here and now.
If your thought life were a budget, would it contain wasteful items?
Simply being aware of how we are spending
our mental energy is an important first step toward cognitive wholeness.
Bad behavior demands attention.
Habitual
bad behaviors hurts not only us but also those we love and those who love us.
Whether our struggle is with harmful
relationships, substance abuse, addictions, or other conflicts, lasting change can seem impossible. The human soul was designed
for intimate relationship.
2. Are there things I can learn from my conflicts? What might they be?
Have
you been trying the same solutions hoping to get a different result?
How might you be perpetuating your own problems?
Especially if this is a long-term problem, what might God want to teach you through it? Think of ways He might help you respond,
rather than continuing to react.
THE TITANTIC (A Short Story)
We are all familiar with this story, but few
of us see the parallels to our own lives.
We often act self-assured and reckless, convinced of our superiority, even
as we navigate the same dangerous courses. People said of the famous ship, “God, Himself couldn't sink the Titanic.
Isn't this how many of us approach our own lives?
Whether or not we say it as plainly, an attitude of invincibility
is evident in how we drive, eat, relate, and amuse ourselves.
The parallels don't end there:
The Titanics owners
failed to set proper priorities. One would think, with a first class ticket costing about $50,000 in todays currency, they
would have purchased a few more lifeboats! Hindsight allows us to shake our heads at their oversight, even as many of us barge
headlong into our own treacherous waters.
A warning of inclement weather would not delay the Titanics much-heralded
maiden voyage. In fact, in an effort to get there quicker (and make the new ship even more marketable), the Captain sped up.
In similar ways, we also ignore warning signals in our lives, aggressively promoting ourselves to gain others approval.
A
computer simulation of the crash indicated there would have been less damage and loss of life if the ship had hit the iceberg
head-on, instead of trying to skirt around it at the last minute.
That point hits close to home, too, doesn't it?
Even when our foolhardy behaviors lead us on a collision course, we do all we can to avoid the impact, rather than
face our struggle head on. We deny, lie, ignore, shift blame, lash out, and further medicate ourselves to avoid coming to
the conclusion that our life is quickly sinking.
Ironically, it is often only after we hit our own iceberg and begin
sinking that we are willing to acknowledge all the icebergs dotting our course.
Many require a disaster in the making
before waking to inherent dangers we have invited for so long.
This is what some call a moment of clarity: We finally
see the truth that things are not right in our life.
We want to change, but have no idea where to begin.
If you
are at such a point, you can apply the lessons learned from the Titanic to your own conflict and how to work toward a transformed
life.
A SIMPLE DIAGRAM
These ideas will make more sense if you diagram them on a sheet of paper. All you need
is piece of paper, a pencil, an honest approach, and a desire to truly understand what has gone wrong in your life.
Start
by drawing a triangle. This is your iceberg. Next, add a horizontal line just beneath the peak to represent the water level.
Then, draw two more horizontal lines, dividing the underwater section into three levels.
The tip: my behavior
Label the tip above the water behaviors.
To the side, list all the specific actions related to your struggle. This
may include viewing porn, gorging on food, yelling at the kids, treating people disrespectfully, or any other undesirable
behavior.
While you are not yet able to change these behaviors since change begins in the deeper levels - the goal
here is to help you get out of denial and take ownership of your problem.
Our solutions typically concentrate only
on fixing the offending behavior. Trying to correct the behavior, without identifying the larger issues, simply leads to new
bad behaviors rising to the surface.
For most people, a serious look into their problem behavior brings shame and
fear of disapproval and rejection.
Before succumbing to those negative reactions, remember to not be concerned with
what other people think of you. You belong to our higher power God and should focus on pleasing Him.
Unfortunately,
our solutions typically concentrate only on fixing the offending behavior.
If it were possible to lop off the top
of an iceberg, would the danger be gone? Of course not. A new portion of the iceberg would rise to the surface and replace
the old tip.
Trying to correct the behavior, without identifying the larger issues, simply leads to new behaviors
rising to the surface.
The behaviors you listed earlier are the first visible warnings that your ship is in trouble.
Like the tip of Titanics berg, these behaviors signal the presence of a larger danger lurking below the surface.
Instead
of trying to fix our behaviors at this point, learn from them instead.
View them as a signal. There lies something
deeper.
Long before we develop problem behaviors, our thoughts, emotions, and spirits are in turmoil.
Beneath
the surface: my thoughts
The next section of the iceberg, just beneath the water, represents our thoughts.
Distorted
thinking usually fuels bad behavior.
Instead of responding appropriately to troublesome people, events, urges, etc.....
we react, caving in to our damaged thoughts about them. We cannot change a single behavior until we change the thoughts that
sanction and sponsor them.
What have I downloaded into my mind?
Our culture continually spams our minds.
Friends,
politicians, authors, family members, pornographers, teachers, scriptwriters, preachers, salespeople and countless others
vie for the opportunity to drop thoughts into our brains. Even my efforts in this article are designed to challenge how you
think about yourself and your higher power God.
Our brains are the most sophisticated computers ever created; designed
with unlimited hard drives.
We take everything in, good and bad, as the brain scans the environment through our senses.
Men, women, and especially children are incredibly susceptible to whatever hits their senses with the greatest frequency and
intensity.
What do I think about God, others, and myself?
Imagine your thoughts as books on a shelf.
Various
people, such as parents and teachers, contributed volumes through the years.
Which ones have served you well? Are
there any you would throw out?
Do you believe things about God based on what He says or what someone else told you?
Instead of absorbing others opinions of you, find out what God thinks about you. You might be pleasantly surprised.
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